Love, Valor, and Discretion

Dear William,

I hope you don’t mind that I call you William. Given I’ve known you, or a least your work, for most of my adult life. I feel as tho’ I know you. I suppose it shouldn’t be so presumptuous of me to think because I know you through your work that I might treat you as a familiar. However, I have a feeling that you may not mind.

As I wrote in a letter to dear Dr. Sigmund Freud on Sunday, I was a bit of a tart last week and had a couple of gentlemen over for a little noon-time/afternoon delight. Both of the gentlemen were married. One of whom described himself as Bi and married and with each email seemed to feel the need to reiterate the fact that he needed assurance of discretion.

I assured him that his being Bi and married was not a big deal and neither was the need to be discrete. As we were playing the twenty questions game, once again he felt the need to ask me once again, “Are you sure you’re okay with the need for discretion? I sometimes shop in your neighborhood and if we’d run into each other. I’d hate for there to be a situation.”

As I read the last sentence of this email, a light bulb illuminated over my head. Each time I’ve seen the phrase “must be discreet” in an ad that’s been posted or an email from someone I’ve always assumed it meant they were afraid their dirty little secret might be shared with someone. Which I’ve always thought to be kind of odd, as how am I going to share it with anyone? Or why would I want to?

It never occurred to me  the issue is that should we see each other in public we mustn’t acknowledge each others presence. So I responded back to the affirmative with my gentleman friend that should we see each other in public it won’t be a problem. We won’t know each other.

Of course, this experience called to mind the speech by your dear friend Falstaff gives awakening from his own feigned death which includes a quote that is often misquoted as “Discretion is the better part of valor.”

To die is to be a counterfeit,
for he is but the counterfeit of
a man who hath not the life of a man;
but to counterfeit dying,
when a man thereby liveth, is to be no counterfeit,
but the true and perfect image of life indeed.
The better part of valor is discretion,
in the which better part I have sav’d my life.

Henry The Fourth, Part 1 Act 5, scene 4, 115–121

Falstaff has faked his own death to avoid being killed by the hand of King Henry IV. Falstaff essentially argues that cowardice is preferable to death. As such lofty goals of honor and valor mean nothing if one is a corpse.

Part of me can agree with dear Falstaff to a point. However, as I’ve considered his words and put them into the modern context of guys seeking to get a little M4M action on the DL. It’s left me with such a profound sense of sadness of how disconnected these guys are from their wives, lives, and themselves.

I couldn’t imagine living my life in such a manner.

However with that said, I heard the most interesting experience of a gentleman recently in Dan Savage’s Lovecast. He called in to tell Dan that he’d been dating a woman and when the relationship developed to the point that they had come to an agreement to stop seeing other people. He disclosed one of the other people he’d been seeing was a man. After he disclosed this she said she was not comfortable with the idea of dating a man who is Bisexual and broke up with him. Dan called him back to discuss the situation at greater length. And during the conversation the caller disclosed that this is not the first time this has happened.

I find it rather odd that women would be threatened by the thought of her significant other  or boyfriend having sex with another man. It would seem far more logical to me they would be more threatened by the thought of him having sex with another woman. However, I guess people will always find something to be threatened by if that’s an issue for them in relationships.

I was talking with a friend on Sunday who I massage semi-regularly; He totally gives me a major bone. I finally found a way to casually ask him if he’s straight or gay. He told me pretty much straight. As we were discussing issues around relationships and sexuality, I told him in some odd way, I’m kind of envious of Bisexual men. They have the opportunity to experience and enjoy all kinds of sex. Me, I’m hard wired one way—loving the cock.

So perhaps that is the better part of discretion. The ability to enjoy sex without limits, it’s unfortunate how we as a society impose limits of the sexual freedom of individuals who are bisexual and don’t allow them the opportunity to enjoy sexual expression to its fullest.

Anyway, thanks for the inspiration!