Metta mirror on the wall...who's the kindest of them all?

Dearest Dr. Jung,

As of late syncronicities abound, so I thought I would share a few with you.

Several nights ago, yet again at about 2 a.m., I was awakened by the air conditioning compressors on the roof above my bedroom. As I was lying in bed with feelings vacillating between anger and exhaustion while rapidly racing toward the edge of despair, I decided to grab the Xoom and check the web stats for the Biddy-Biddy-blog.

That moment only left me further frustrated as each time I attempted to hit the admin page for the B-B-blog  I received ye olde “Firefox is unable to find the requested server” error. WTF? I thought each time I hit the page and once again was greeted with the server error message. Okay. I thought. Le’me check the server and see if there’s been any problems reported. So I logged into the admin page of my service provider and checked the server status page only to discover there were no problems reported. Balls! I thought. What could the problem possibly be?

After considering things for a nanosecond, I once again pinged the admin page of the blog. “Ahhh sweet success,” I nearly shouted out loud as the sign in page appeared before me. I made my way to the stats page for the B-B-blog and noticed that not minutes before someone had surfed into the B-B-blog from Malaysia with the key words “lesson connected to the I Ching”. Curious. I thought as I slid the Xoom back into its charging cradle on the nightstand, rolled over, and attempted to get back to sleep.

A few hours later after tossing and turning and having little success in finding a way to once again slide back into the arms of Morpheus, I was now slightly more curious about the close encounter of a keyword kind earlier in the night. Again, I grabbed the tablet and made my way to the stats page for the B-B-blog and pulled up the letter associated with the hit earlier in the morning.

It’s a letter that I’d written to B. back in March 2010 in regard to an experience I’d had with a set of oracle cards based on the I Ching. As I re-read the letter I’d written, I shivered from the chills that went up my spine while nearly concurrently crapping in the bed sheets.

A paragraph in that letter ties with near karmic perfection to the letter I wrote to MMRFRO on Monday in regard to kindness. In the letter I wrote in March to B. in regard to D.’s behavior toward me I stated, “It’s painfully plain he treated me with little respect or in a manner remotely resembling kindness or love. But rather quite the opposite.”

And as if that keyword ping wasn’t woo-woo enough, I had a netizen from Seattle surf onto the blog with the keyword combination “black tara mandala” which hit a letter I wrote a month later in April of 2010 with regard to this same subject.

Kindess.

As I finished re-reading the letter I’d written in April, I was struck with the memory of a conversation I’d had with a gentleman I met last Friday through the website SilverDaddies.com. He’d contacted me due to finding the mention of prostate massage in my profile to be interesting. After we got done with the massage (and I do believe I have an enthusiastic convert to the aforementioned activity), we were lying in bed shooting the shit about various different subjects.

The subject of relationships came up, as always seems to happen, and he mentioned that he’d just recently ended a five year relationship. I queried (with hope) that things had ended amiably and that the two of them might be friends. He explained the sad truth was anything but what I had suggested. But instead, things got very nasty between the two of them and he’d not spoken to his ex since the break up.

He further explained that it was a polyamorous triadic relationship with his former boyfriend being the one with a long term partner before their meeting. He said that his ex was very charming and charismatic; however, there was something about his ex that had begun to bother him in the relationship toward the end. His ex had suffered the loss of a family member as well as several friends over the five years they were dating. As a result of the all the losses, his ex became very unkind.

I can’t help but feel as if the universe is holding a mirror before me presently and I’m resisting viewing the image that is being reflected.

Over the past several days, I’ve come to realize a very profound (or not) thing about myself. In that when it comes to kindness, I’m very good at being outwardly kind. I can easily show kindness to strangers (and folks I know) in any number of ways in what I say and what I do for them. However, it’s the practice of internal kindness that has become a huge challenge for me. The unkind thoughts I can have for myself and others at times kind of scare me.

Of course, I know the finding of kindness for others begins with showing kindness to my self. And I have once again begun to try to be mindful of doing so. And I believe it may be working, as I swear I’m feeling some movement in my heart center. Now if I can just get that energy projecting outward as well.

Can you knock a few doors down and see if the Buddha is available? I think I need to talk with him.

Please give my regards to Dr. Skinner.