Mighty Aphrodite?

Dearest Aphrodite,

I have come to conclude that I would like to be in a relationship. Yes, I know this may come as a bit of a shock to you as it’s a bit of the same for me. It’s most likely a collision (of the inelastic kind) composed of any number of various disparate factors that has left me with this haunting feeling sticking to my person. But let me see if I might properly explain.

I spent the greater portion of the weekend working toward the goal of getting my apartment in shape for selling it once the market rebounds as has been projected toward the end of next year. It’s a good thing it’s going to take nearly another year for this idea promulgated by the collective real estate and financial services sector to manifest itself as it’s going to take me at least that long to get my apartment up to par for putting it on the market.

So this weekend, I once again ventured off into the land of spackling and sanding as I work toward repairing all the cracks and nail protrusions that have formed in the walls of my condominium unit over the past several years. While it can be a huge hassle for the most part to take care of these kinds of things, there is a part of me that enjoys the activity.

You see, my father was a carpenter and cabinet maker and did such work professionally. I have vivid memories from my childhood of watching him as he worked in his shop crafting in wood the latest creation inspired by his muses. Also, he would often take me on job sites when he was doing an install or providing some other kind of carpentry service to someone in need. I was ever fascinated with watching him work with his tools and hands as he brought to life the vision of both he and his clients.

Therefore, it would seem that I, in some strange way am hardwired like my father for the work and derive a sense of joy and accomplishment from it. The only drawback is that it can be rather time consuming and tedious. And but of course, the long stretches of activity that don’t engage the critical thinking and reasoning skills can lead to moments of me wandering aimlessly through the corridors of my own mind.

Which can be either a good or bad thing depending upon the day. As after all, an idle brain truly can be the devil’s workshop.

I think working on the nest, as it were, has stirred up the cocooning instinct in me. Also, I had a friend over on Sunday who I met through the massage group of which I’m a member. I met R. shortly after I graduated from massage school. I believe he answered a posting I put forth to the group looking for volunteers for clinic. But for whatever reason, he wasn’t able to volunteer in that capacity; however, I found him to be extremely engaging via email and eventually offered to provide him a massage for the practice and for the opportunity to meet him.

If I were to have a type, R. could not be anymore it. He’s got a stocky, but solid build. He’s extremely intelligent and has the most wickedly good sardonic sense of humor. The only problem—he’s hopelessly straight. Each time he and I get together I have such a good time. The conversation is never dull and he nearly always has a great story or two about something crazy going on in his life as well.

Each time as he’s preparing to leave my place the one thought I can’t seem to shake out of my head is this. Man, how I’d love to seriously f*ck the taste right out of your mouth.

And but of course, this last time was no exception.

What’s so funny about the situation is that in some strange way I really enjoy the weird sexual tension that we have with each other. The odd flirtation that we do with each other is fun. And my fear is that if we were to cross over into sexual relationship, it would in many ways, take the fun out of it. The mystery and forbidden nature seems a great deal more satisfying in a way than the thought of physical consummation.

However, what the experience has ignited in me is a desire to find someone like him to date.

It would seem despite all the joy I find in being a middle-aged man-whore, there is a part of me that would very much like to be in a relationship. I would like find someone with whom I might have a deeper connection other than just a tryst here and there. Some who I might call upon for support and understanding when I’m just too friggen tired to go on and need a little help.

Of course, it would take an extraordinary individual to put up with me and the insanity that is often my daily existence. It also doesn’t help that the kind of relationship I’m looking for is so far outside the norm, I wouldn’t even begin to know where to look for a similar individual. However, I have hope there might be *someone* out there of a similar bend who is seeking a partner.

I had a moment of a bit of cosmic irony today in regard to this idea. I signed onto Okay Cupid this afternoon to refresh my memory in regard to how the profiles are set up on that site. When I did so, dear OC presented me with the profile of someone he thought I might like. It was for the profile of T who I’ve written about in this blog. I’ve always had a bit of a thing for T but have never asked him out as I wasn’t sure what his relationship status might be.

After signing off of OC, I sent him a quick e-mail note to say that OC thinks I might like him, and that I think dear OC may have a point. And inquired as to whether he might like to have dinner sometime.

We’ll see how it goes.

So, do you think you might help me out with this relationship thing?

Sending you much love!