Fire and Ice

Dearest D.,

How are you faring well through the snow? Like most everyone in the Nation’s Capital, I’m getting rather fatigued with the winter weather; however, the season has none-the-less proven to be magical and has fostered/deeped several long-forgotten interests which have been re-ignited in the depths of my psyche. So in many ways, it’s a season of opposites this year. Being an enigma I’m sure you can understand this.

As I mentioned in a letter to J., yesterday photography is an interest that has be re-awakenedin some weird way due to the previous connection with you. So I guess I can say one of the positives that has risen forth like a phoenix from the ashes of my little dating disaster with you (and year of recovery from) is the sparking of the creativity I’m presently experiencing.

Another interest that has bubbled to the surface as of late (actually back in the summer), which I’ve been focusing upon lately more is the Tarot. The interest was re-awakened due to listening to a podcast about esoterica and spirituality and various different interviews/discussions in the podcast concerning the Tarot. I was deeply drawn to the Tarot as an adolescent, and then later as a young adult. But for some reason, let it fall away and was never able to keep focused with it to become well versed in its use.

However, being the slightly obsessive type. With the re-emergence of this interest I have bought several decks (a few favorites being OSHO Zen Tarot, Rumi Tarot, Feng Shui Tarot, and Animals Divine Tarot) and as well as books (Tarot Dictionary and Compendium, TCIG to Tarot, TCIG to Tarot Spreads, and Tarot: a New Handbook for the Apprentice). Over the next couple of months my intention is to devote a great deal of energy to the art and practice of the Tarot. I hope to become better with reading the cards. Also, I hope to start another blog/podcast on the subject as a chronicle of my experience and as a way to connect with others who have an interest in the subject. Of course, the ultimate goal with each of these things is being able to use the Tarot as a tool to help others along their path.

Also, through listening to another podcast which is strictly concerned with the Tarot I’ve become intrigued with the idea of creating a deck as a long-term project. As one of the artists I listen to today mentioned. There certainly is not a great deal of money to be made in creating a deck. One does it as a labor of love. And as with most everything I’ve done creatively, such a project would be done so.

One a different subject, but having to do with love anyway, I’ve been communicating via email with a gentleman who answered the rather salacious posting I put up a couple of weekends ago on Craigs List.

And while he currently has a few challenges with which he needs to face and to come to terms, he seems like a really nice guy. As I told him, it’s refreshing to be getting well written substantive emails from someone rather than a three line response with some tired-assed excuse of not being able to reply right away with an ever lame follow up as to feeling guilty for not being able to draft a lengthier responseever.

Of course through the discussions, both via email, and on the phone, we’ve touched on our experiences with relationships, dating and what we’re both seeking currently. And each time I speak with someone about dating, I can’t help but think of some of my experience with you as there are a plethora of moments to share to illustrate true dating disasters.

This afternoon in an email I told him one of my favorites as to our dating disaster in regard to your statement of not thinking of people “that way.” Shortly after we had our RT convo in which I expressed to you that I wished to “take the next step” as you’d say. And in which you claimed that you didn’t think of people “that way.” Invariably each time we’d get together thereafter, you’d however find some guy attractive who walked by and begin to oogle him. But, when you realized what you were doing and the lame-assed statement of “not thinking of people ‘that way’” you’d made before, you’d quickly look away and try to act as if you’d not been cruising the guy. There were a couple of times it took all the self-control I had to not bust out laughing as you looked so ridiculous. The only reason I didn’t is that more than anything I found your behavior to be beyond sad.  In every respect of the word.

Today I also thought of the time shortly after we met that we were having dinner at Pentagon Row at an outdoor café and a really hot guy came out of Bally’s. He was built like a brick-sh*t house and wearing all spandex that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him come around the corner into your line of sight. As he did you locked onto him and began to track his path. I smiled and asked, “Ummmm. So what you thinkin’?” you visibly jumped in your seat, shook your head, turned into a total freek and said, “Ugh. I have no thoughts for you presently.” I don’t know how I kept from laughing out loud. Which, I just may have done so and said, “Ummm. Okay…”

No wonder I fell so hard for you the uber-freek that you are…

So like fire and ice, isn’t it amazing the kind of crap one will put up with when they fall in love someone? Oh, wait I guess you wouldn’t know as I doubt you’ve ever allowed yourself to love someone. Pity.

I hope this finds you well faring with through the weather-related madness.

Sending you much love!