I don't know what to tell you...

Dearest D.,

Man my happy a$$ is bushed and sore. I’ve taken a bit of a busman’s holiday this week to take care of a few things around the homestead needing my attention. My original intention was to have shampooing the carpets be the main focus. However as always seems to happen with me. I’ve taken a bit of a detour.

You see, I didn’t plan well and there is a particular eco-friendly carpet shampoo that I wished to use that I was only able to find online. So on Saturday, I ordered the shampoo from Amazon with express delivery. With express delivery, the earliest it would arrive was Tuesday. I thought no big deal as the other project I wished to attempt was to finish ripping out the sauna the crazy-a$$ed lesbians who once rented this apartment built in part of the walk in-closet. So I would do that Monday and Tuesday while I waited for the rug shampoo.

Little did I realize what a feat it would become.

After running a few errands on Monday, I spent the rest of the afternoon pulling all of the stuff out of the sauna/closet that I have stored in there. Then after running a quick errand yesterday morning and catching up on a couple of chores I spent the rest of the day and well into the evening ripping out the sauna. What I didn’t take into account is how much friggen wood was in the closet to make the sauna.

I decided burning the wood in the fireplace rather than haul it away would most likely be the best option. Therefore I could at least get the benefit of the heat when I’m burning the wood. However, this means having to the cut the six foot pieces of wood into much smaller pieces to fit in my fireplace. Today I spent several hours hand sawing the wood into the requisite bit-sized chunks for the petite mouth of my fireplace and didn’t get to all of it. I probably have approximately another hour or two to cut tomorrow.

As I was cutting up the wood this afternoon, my thoughts drifted to you. It’s funny the things that will run through one’s mind as they’re engaging in a brainless activity. I thought once again about the evening that you and I went to the circus about a year and a half ago.

After we found our way back to your car, we headed off for dinner. You suggested Annie’s Paramount Steakhouse and I indicated I was amenable to the idea. We spent the half an hour drive into town alternating between conversation and me randomly singing along with several songs playing on the stereo.

You parked your car in your self-professed “secret spot” on Mass. Ave. and we began our trek to the restaurant. As we turned north on 16^th Street, two gentleman approached and one of them said hello to us in a very flirtatious manner.

I returned with an equally flirtatious, “Heeeeey! How’s it going?!”

Just as they passed you said, “OMG that never happens to me.”

“What?” I asked.

“That guy just said hello to me. Guys never say hello to me.” You replied.

“Must be the company you’re keeping.” I joked.

What I didn’t tell you at the time, which might have proved helpful (but then again maybe not), as the guys were approaching, I could tell the one was cruising us so I raised both my eyebrows in quick succession as they got closer. In terms of body language, it’s what is known as the eyebrow flash. It says, “Hey, I’m interested in you.” It’s a primate behavior that is a hold over from evolution. We do it subconsciously when we recognize someone we know and we will do it as a flirting behavior as well.

I didn’t have the heart to be a Debbie Downer in the moment and say to you, “Hello clueless. The reason he said hello had nothing to do with you. It was because I gave him the eyebrow flash!” But instead, let you believe that yes, you were just that irresistible.  It is rather amazing how clueless you were able to be at times.

Another thought that has passed through my mind as of late with far too much frequency is your statement, “I can no longer be a part of this.” in your ever so eloquent email giving me the heave ho.

What’s funny about that is it’s not the first time someone had sent me such a self-superior dismissal. You’re no less than the third guy to send me such a haughty email. One of whom was a guy I met in the exact same Yahoo! group thorough which we made our acquaintance. He sent me almost the exact same line verbatim when I called him on the carpet for his game playing. And like you, he chose to play the victim and blame me for his behavior.  The two of you should hook up. You’d make quite a pair given you’re apparently cut from a similar cloth and pattern.

What is it with you playahs? When you’re called on it you want to whine and blame everyone else rather than hold yourself accountable and fess up to it. It never ceases to amaze me that you guys actually think that you’re fooling anyone. In retrospect, the only thing I wish I’d done is cut you loose at the first sign of your game playing rather than hold on and hope for a different outcome.

Because, as we both know, the eventual outcome was the one that was destined. I wonder, how’s finding that “great partner” working out for you?

As always, sending you much love!