What lies underneath?
Dearest D.,
I was working at home yesterday and listening to Music Choice streaming on the ‘puter as I was working. While doing so, I heard a song that stirred from my subconscious a most familiar feeling. The feeling—a simultaneous melding of confusion, attraction, frustration and anger I felt with you while we were doing our little dysfunctional fandango. The song, “Underneath” by Laren Hildebrandt. As I was listening to the song, I nearly laughed out loud on several occasions as the lyrics of the song seemed to perfectly mirror my experience with you.
Through her perfectly crafted little pop ditty, Ms. Hildebrandt sings of her confusion with a gentleman she has met and with whom she’s become heavily infatuated. While on the surface he appears to be the perfect catch as he’s charming (and drives the car that she likes). She comes to suspect that there’s something somewhat amiss with the gentleman and that “it lies in his eyes” and that he may be playing games with her heart.
Sound familiar?
A favorite lyric, “He won’t even kiss me good-bye.” Been there done that.
She soon comes to realize that underneath the pretty packaging there’s nothing inside. Can you relate?
While I was listening to the song yesterday on Music Choice and several times thereafter on YouTube, I was struck with just how little of anything you presented about yourself to me as truth was in fact such. Like the gentleman about whom Ms. Hildebrandt sings—with you, underneath the pretty wrapper there was nothing inside.
When you were speaking with me, you spoke in such eloquent tones about taking care of yourself so as to be available to me. How you’d joined a naturist/nudist group to “work on your issues concerning body image”. Talked in terms of being environmentally and socially aware, it’s regretful you weren’t as nearly self-aware.
Ms. Hildebrandt sings.
“You tried to play me like I was your fool
It’s true I never knew love with you
How long would you have continued playing with my heart?”
And of course, like the gentleman of whom she sings you did try your best to play me like I was your fool. The funny thing is I pretty much figured out your game from the very beginning. However, the most vexing thing in regard to my own behavior (when I take the moment to examine it) is why I allowed myself to play the game with you for so long?
I guess if take moment and consider it at great length it had to do with ego attachment. The need to believe I had in some manner or ability the power to enlighten you or awaken you from your obvious somnambulistic state. Like anyone might really have such a power as first they’d have to break through the several-layered coat of veneer composed of bitterness, anger and resentment you wear with an obvious sense of misguided pride. Perhaps some day you may gain the slightest awareness of yourself that you assume yourself to already posses.
I had the most interesting experience the weekend past which has lead to a kind of ironic dichotomy in my mind in regard to you and the image you present(ed) versus your core personality. Again, that is to say the image of a self-assured, self-aware person you presented to me (and no doubt the any number gentlemen you’ve attempted to charm since you told me to get lost), and the insecure and emotionally-stunted individual beneath the self-created façade.
As I mentioned in my prior letter to you, I placed an ad on Craigslist last week in the “Misc. Romance” section seeking a connection with a guy of a more long-term basis rather than seeking my typical hook up. Roughly, I got a few more than a half a dozen responses (which surprised me). Ironically, a couple of them were from guys with whom I’d already either met or hooked up. One of whom I mentioned that reminds me a great deal of you. It turns out in more way than one as he’s been amazingly non-committal about getting together (but I digress).
However, I met a gentleman last Saturday who answered the advert and might best be described as a contradiction in terms. He’s a disabled Marine who’s served in several troubled spots around the globe for nearly 30 years. The last of which was a tour in Afghanistan that left him with a spinal column broken in 12 places from surviving the blast of a suicide bomber. The recovery from the blast being nearly two years spent in various hospitals recovering from the wounds and now in nearly constant pain as a result.
If anyone might have a right (if you will) to be angry and resentful it would be he as opposed to a spoiled, middle-class, suburbanite brat such as yourself who fancies himself a champion of social justice but hasn’t the balls to pull it off. However, the amazing part, he’s not angry or resentful. While he’s got the typical roughed edges from being a career Marine, he’s got the most amazing rebellious (but gentle and grounded) spirit of anyone I’ve met in quite a long time.
And due to living the life of a career leatherneck his body currently shows all the abuses. From the scar in the skin atop his skull (and the fracture beneath) to teeth missing from his jaws (nearly half of them shattered in the most recent blast survived). However, underneath the tattered wrapper beats a heart of gold with enough positive energy to light the City of Ember.
It’s funny in him the Universe has delivered pretty much what I requested in my advert. My call through cyberspace was for someone who’s between an aenigma and an avatar. And he is very much that.
So I have to wonder. Why do I feel so uneasy about the situation?
As always, sending you much love!
egtheghotilover@gmail.com
www.theghotiletters.com
@EroGhoti
Just what I was looking for, thankyou for posting .
Excellent documented critique. It is going to be helpful to any individual that will uses it, which includes myself. Nurture the good function – for sure i am to take a look at additional writes.
Precious info and excellent plan you purchased in this article! I would like to thanks because of telling your thoughts and time period on the stuff you column!! Thumbs up
I have been thinking what is down with that strange gravatar??? Spot 5am can be timely and I m so not necessarily looking my best on that hour, but I hope I don’t appear to be it! I’d however cause that skin when I am asked to undertake 100 pushups. lol
Can be a great reserve that you just may be offering and also you have away for free of charge. I adore watching sites that figure out the value of granting a top quality provide totally free. It?s the older how goes all-around looms all-around procedure.
Have you ever contemplated adding more education videos to your blog posts to stop the visitors extra entertained? What i m saying is We simply read through the whole article in your current life it also appeared to be quite good yet since I m so better of any visual scholar,I found that being added beneficial certainly let me knowthe way it turns out! I love what you may fellas will almost up too. The mentioned witty operate and therapy! Nurture the nice works grownup men Hmm i have further you men to the actual blogroll. This is usually a good content merit for sharing this revealing information.. I will hit up your website commonly for some most popular post.
Couldnt agree more with that, very attractive article
Have you ever regarded adding more education videos to your blog articles or blog posts to prevent the viewers added entertained? After all I just read through the total commentary in your life it also had been relatively beneficial yet because I’m better of your optical pupil,I found that for being extra beneficial well tell me whyhow it turns out! I adore what you may fellas are always up too. Such witty perform and exposure! Support the good performs adult males I’ve more you people to my blogroll. This is usually a wonderful article merit for sharing this useful information.. I will check out this blog frequently for some latest post.
Simply, admirable what you have done here. It is pleasing to look you express from the heart and your clarity on this significant content can be easily looked. Remarkable post and will look forward to your future update.
Just wanna input on few general things, The website design is perfect, the articles is real excellent : D.
I’m impressed, I must say. Actually rarely do I encounter a blog that’s each educative and entertaining, and let me let you know, you’ve got hit the nail on the head. Your concept is excellent; the problem is something that not enough people are talking intelligently about. I am very joyful that I stumbled across this in my seek for something referring to this.
Tkank you for sharing this fabulous propose, i actually think highly of your net, but i have some issue i dont learn whether it is individual facet issue or even a with your website? several words and phrases in the suggest on your own blog have charactor encoding issue, sure i use car unearthing, might ough pls find out this problem slightly?
Thanks for your smart piece of writing. Me and the neighbour were surely precisely preparing to do a little analysis about this. I will be quite happy to see these good information getting joint thickly around.
As a Newbie, I am always searching online for articles that can help me get further ahead.
I don’t normally comment but I gotta state regards for the post on this perfect one : D.
It is the best time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I desire to suggest you some interesting things or tips. Maybe you can write next articles referring to this article. I desire to read even more things about it!
I’d should verify with you here. Which isn’t one thing I usually do! I get pleasure from reading a post that may make folks think. Additionally, thanks for allowing me to remark!
Great blog here! Also your website loads up fast! What web host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my web site loaded up as quickly as yours lol
I don’t accept this post. Even so, I had looked in Bing and I have found out you are right and I was thinking in the improper way. Carry on producing good quality articles such as this.
I just wanted to write down a simple remark so as to express gratitude to you for the remarkable recommendations you are giving out on this website. My time consuming internet research has finally been honored with reliable details to write about with my classmates and friends. I ‘d point out that we visitors are undeniably blessed to exist in a really good website with very many special people with very beneficial opinions. I feel very much privileged to have encountered your web site and look forward to so many more fun minutes reading here. Thank you once more for everything.
I do not agree with this particular blog post. Nonetheless, I had researched with Google and I have found out that you are correct and I had been thinking in the improper way. Carry on writing high quality content such as this.
I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I don’t know who you are but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger if you are not already
Cheers!
This is really interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I’ve joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your fantastic post. Also, I’ve shared your website in my social networks!
Pingback: Skin care tip