Dearest D.,
As I was talking with K. recently, she quoted from The Art of Seduction, by Robert Greene as she often does when she and I are discussing our dating travails. She read a few passages from the book and as a result I became rather intrigued and decided to borrow the book from the libraries public. In a moment of irony all too cosmic, one of the few copies of the book available for loan was at the branch in your ‘hood. I ran over to the library at lunch today and picked it up.
Send mixed signals: both tough and tender, both spiritual and earthy, both innocent and cunning. A mix of qualities suggests depth, which fascinates even as it confuses. An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle.
From The Art of Seduction, by Robert Greene
When K. and I discuss dating we invariably find our way to the topic of mixed signals and the fact so many guys send them these days. I mentioned to K., during our conversation, that you were (and no doubt continue to be) the king of perpetuating mixed messages. Sending mixed signals is the third technique in the arsenal of seduction presented by Mr. Greene in his book. And while you would no doubt be offended by the idea of a) being perceived as a seducer or b) being accused of sending mixed signals intentionallymy experience with you was of both. After all, you are a self-professed enigma. Are you not?
However, what I find most comical is the fact you are/were so bloody awful at it.
Cruel to be kind in the right measure
Cruel to be kind it’s a very good sign
Cruel to be kind means that I love you
From “Cruel to be Kind” by Nick Lowe
The crux of Mr. Greene’s instruction in this art is to be both bad and good (in equal measure) to get the goods (so to speak). The illusion to be created or the desired belief about oneself to be fashioned by this devious dichotomy is one of depth in the mind of the seduced. But the trick is to keep the balance right. While you were very good with the bad, it seems one of the self-professed areas needing improvement on your part is getting to the good. Oh, there were glimmering moments during the period in which you were speaking to me. However, I certainly could have used seeing a few more to keep my interest piqued.
But, the one thing I do have to give you props for is having the whole ambivalence thing tuned to a fine art. Being the first cousin to mixed signals, ambivalence is just as effective I’d saymaybe ever more so. Honestly, I didn’t think it possible for anyone to be more ambivalent than I, but I think you have me beat by a country mile in that respect.
The moment I think exemplifies this best is the evening a December past in which I did my rather misguided emotional data dump on you. In your car, on the way to the mall, when I mentioned to you the desire to “take the next step” as you’d say, you looked at me with a most adversarial look in your eyes and rather condescending look on your face and said, “Can’t we just be friends? After all aren’t all great relationships based in a good friendship?” Too ironic huh? And when I asked you to take me home as I had little desire to engage in the game you wished to play. Again with absolute defiance in your eyes you said, “I *can* turn this car around.” I replied with “No.” and we continued.
After the ill-fated hour or so of me exposing myself emotionally to you in any number of ways (most of them highly inappropriate no doubt), as I started to let myself out of your car from the ride home you dropped yet another hook into the water with a quick splash. Rather than letting me off the several you’d dropped in the preceding weeks.
As I got one foot out of the car door you mentioned, “I have a small gift for you.” You presented me with the Sara Hickman CD, Motherlode you had stowed away in the console. As I took the CD from your hand, I marveled at the irony of the cover image on the CD. It is/was of a man and woman in a sexual embrace very reminiscent of an illustration from the Kama Sutra.
The gentleman who claimed earlier in the evening to not think of people sexually presents his victim with the gift of a CD bearing an overtly sexual image. Might the signals have been anymore mixed? And I, like a fool, took the baithook, line and sinker rather than step out of the car, close the door, and walk away.
That particular moment in the seductive salsa in which we were engaged is where you slipped up in a major way, I think. As Mr. Greene counsels, “Beware of the long, drawn-out goodbye; insecure, the victim will cling and claw, and both sides will suffer. If you are to part, make the sacrifice swift and sudden. If necessary, break the spell you have created.” But breaking the spell is difficult as Mr. Greene counsels further, “But sometimes your effort to break off the relationship will inadvertently revive the spell for the other person, causing him or her to cling to you tenaciously.” And here I am.
Ironically it’s very easy to break the spell with me. Confess. Admit to being a pompous, self-superior, self-involved, thoughtless a**hole. How hard is it really? I have to do it all the time.
How’s that personal ad working for you? Found a new victim yet?
Here’s hoping you have a Holly Jolly Christmas!
TGL
P.S. I found a great cover of C2BK on YT. Too funny it’s from 10 Things I Hate About You. Check it out.
Cruel to Be Kind
by Letters to Cleo
theghotilover@gmail.com
www.theghotiletters.com
@EroGhoti
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