Dearest D,

I received your email sent Saturday night/Sunday morning with the subject heading “whatever this is or was or could have been — I can not be party to it any longer”. And I too wonder what could have been between you and me. However, neither one of us will be able to discover such given you’ve chosen cowardice over courage and would rather believe yourself a victim of circumstance and take the path of aversion as opposed to communicating openly and honestly with me to resolved the current conflict in which we find ourselves. Which has lead to you slink away in the midnight hour. Frankly, am I surprised by this behavior? Not really. However what I do find most ironic is the pretentious statement you once made of you considering friends to be of the upmost importance to you. Even more so than family given you are not close to your family. Your current behavior certainly belies such a statement.

I too wonder what might have been had you been forthcoming with me in regard to your anxiety, fears, and insecurities when I expressed to you a desire to establish a dating relationship over the past several months. However, instead you’ve spoke to me in Seinfeldesque pop culture platitudes such as “It’s not you it’s me.” and “I’m not in a place to be dating right now.” The latter statement I found rather curious give a personal ad you’ve had up on Yahoo! over the past several months states you are seeking a “great partner” and to “possibly” find a “significant other”. Perhaps had you taken a moment to consider your statements made in that ad you might have understood why I found it difficult to accept your assertion you were “not in a place to be dating” and would not have felt the need to communicate such obvious obfuscation to me.

You’ve expressed that you “continually feel judged, attacked, poked & prodded.” While I can agree with the latter two in regard to my behavior, I have wonder if you were to take a moment to examine your behavior toward me over the past several months what you might discover. Perhaps you might discover attitudes and actions which have been far more punitive rather than kind, compassionate and nurturing. Yet another stark irony given you express in your personal ad you’re seeking activities with another that provide nurturance and sustenance. There is a well known spiritual axiom which states one must give what they wish to receive.

You state, “…in the end I do not feel ‘good’ when it comes to trying to dealing with you.” Given this is the second time you’ve used the expression “to deal” in regard to whatever relationship there may have been between the two of us. Is that honestly how you approach relationships? Are they something with which you have to “deal” regularly? Given you’ve expressed in your personal ad that you wish to find a “great partner” do you think such an individual would wish to be viewed as yet another thing with which to be dealt? Perhaps it’s just me, however, I would most guys would rather his partner view him as someone he wishes to spent time with rather than being another “chore”.

I wonder what could have been had you not concluded that, “I think it’s best for us to let this go.”  I marvel at such a statement given you once expressed to me that you’ve attempted to refrain from being controlling in whatever this has been between you and me over the past several months. It’s ironic that several months ago you claimed to have done your best to not be controlling. And yet expressed to me at the same time that you at moments were attempting to manage my expectations and engender and more cooperative attitude on my part. Again, it may just be me, however, I think those behaviors most likely qualify as being controlling. And now you’ve decided for the both of us that it’s best we let this (whatever “this” has been) go. The control thing, it’s a tough one. Good luck with it.

It’s nice to read, “I wish you more than well & hope you can leave this all be with me as of this writing.” However, I will tell you quite frankly and honestly given the intense MF you’ve perpetrated upon me (either with or without intent) it’s highly unlikely I’ll be able to “leave this all be” for quite a while.

May you be well.

TGL