It's Time to Face the Face

Dearest B.,

I don’t even know where to begin. The experiences of the past 72 hours have left me with a mix of feelings that have proven to be as much a conflagration in the psyche as they have been the delivery vehicle for a very profound epiphany and deeper spiritual awakening within. But as with all tales needing to be told, I guess it’s best to start at the beginning.

As I mentioned in a letter to D. last week, I recently met a gentleman (C.) who is a disabled Marine who had moved to the DC area to live with his daughter in the short-term until his disability payments kicked in full-time. And in doing so, he had hoped to spend some time with her and begin to form the relationship he and she were never able to have while he was on active duty. However it appears the fates conspired to spin a different outcome for C.

Friday morning while leaving for work C.’s daughter told him he was no longer welcome in her home and must be gone before she returned that day. Due the fact he had given the last of his money to his daughter and son-in-law to fix the water pump on their truck and he had yet to receive his emergency payment for living expense from Uncle Sam—he was flat broke. He spent the day trying to find assistance from the Veteran’s Administration as well as a bed for the evening in one of the local homeless shelters.

All to no avail, however, through a strange twist of fate and circumstance that can only be described as an intervention by the Universe he received a call from a Facebook friend and member of his Mafia Wars family offering him the use of her cabin on thirteen acres in Tennessee until he can get his bearings and find his way through the mire of current conditions. He accepted her offer and needed a bus ticket and way to the Greyhound station by the 2:30 a.m. departure time.

I picked him up at 8:20 Friday evening at a Hess Station on Richmond Highway covered with sweat and ticks from his attempted 20 mile walk from Lorton, VA to Washington, DC all the while dragging his half-empty suitcase behind him. Half-way through our trek toward DC we stopped at a Target to buy him provisions for the bus ride. During this detour he mentioned he could use a few pair of shorts and a shower. I told him I had both at my apartment and that we could make another pit stop for each.

We then spent the next few hours together at my apartment with him preparing himself for the bus ride and me buying him the needed ticket on the Greyhound website and making dinner for us to share. It was a moment for him to get a brief glimpse into my world and the objects of importance to me and for him to offer me a couple of gifts to add to this collection in return for my kindness and assistance

As he was rummaging through his half empty suitcase he pulled out a silk covered box and asked if I was familiar with Boading Balls. I told him that I was but had yet to get a pair and learn to use them. He opened the box to reveal a pair of metal balls enameled with an iridescent green—a black dragon on one and a red phoenix on the other.

He snapped the box shut, offered it toward me and said, “Here I want you to have them.”

“No.” I replied. “I can’t take these.”

“Please.” He said, “I want you to have them.”

“Thank you C. “ I said accepting the gift while choking back tears.

He rummaged further through his suitcase and found a black long-sleeved t-shirt and tossed it toward me. “I want you to have this as well.” As I caught the t-shirt and opened it up to read the message on the front a chill ran up my spine. It was for a half marathon in San Francisco. It immediately brought to mind the long-sleeved t-shirt you gave me one evening when I stayed over in your apartment. A shirt, to this day (some nearly 20 years later), I still own and put on when I feel the need to have your spirit close to me.

Two hours later we both choked back the tears as I hugged him good bye leaving him to wait the final hour for the bus to carry him to the desired change of location  in Tennessee and the next part of his journey.

As I began to write this letter last evening, I got an SMS from C. telling me that he was an hour outside of Nashville. That it had been a long day, he was tired and in need of a place to lie down and rest his back. I responded in return that I had no doubt it was the situation. He inquired as to how my day had been. I told him that while I’d not gotten the carpets cleaned in the bedroom as I had wished, I had however gotten many other chores completed. I then asked him about a card he’d given me the night before (the image included with this letter above). I mentioned that it includes Calla Lillies and asked if it was intentional or random. He simply responded with a smiley face emoticon. As with me, the heyoka walks very closely with him as well.

The reason I asked was due to the fact we’d had a couple of conversations about the flowers. However, we’d never discussed the symbolic meaning of them.

I’ve since discovered the meaning of this magnificent flower and it could not be more appropriate with respect to my experience with C. As you see, the Calla Lilly represents rebirth and through the moment I spent with C. on Friday watching him (in real time)  nearly become homeless—I have in a way been reborn.

I say this as I have reached a deeper understanding of how fortunate I am. While my possessions may be meager, I have a home to call my own and a place to lay my head at night without worry and am able to eat every day (often far too well). And through this experience with C. I have been reminded that I need to honor and enjoy each day that I’m given. To not take anything or anyone for granted.

Also, for the longest time I’ve been considering selling the little polymer clay pins I make that look like houses once again and distributing the money to organizations that serve the homeless. Or to create a non-profit organization myself to sell the pins; convert the “profits” from the sales to gift cards; and distribute the gift cards to the homeless. I have secured the domain name for the organization and have plenty of pins pre-made. I just need to get off my lazy ass and create the associated web site and begin to promote it.

Another thing I’ve come to realize as well is that I truly need to let go of the bitterness and anger I continue to feel with regard to what happened with D. I need to realize he did the best he might during the brief moment of our convergence. While he may make grandiose claims of seeking a relationship of an epic nature he may never develop the skills for such. And there is nothing wrong with that—it’s his karma to experience.

My karma on the other hand is to make real my grandiose desire to create a better world and leave a lasting impression of such intent before I leave this plane of existence. I best get started.

I miss you B.