L2J04042010: Tie One On

Make ME UR Love Doll

Make Me UR Love Doll!

Dearest J.,

I’ve been getting the weirdest hits to the biddy biddy blog as of late. Okay. These hits probably aren’t as weird as “bally spandex pentagon row”, however, unusual just the same. All of these hits have had tying as a theme. They have been as follows.

“hog tie”
“how to tie up a girl”
“lettered tie”
“tie me up”
“hog tied”
“tie me down”
“girls tying up men”

That’s a lot of tying.

As I mentioned in a letter to you before, I have been curious about exploring B&D and have to wonder if the message the Universe sends me presently is that I need to consider turning the idea into action.

The other night as I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep, before I decided to get up and pound out a letter to MMRFRO, I was thinking about this idea. That it is that idea of exploring bondage. As this letter is the one I was writing just before I went to bed the other night. At least the letter I was writing before I got distracted with trolling through D.’s Flickr page. I still don’t know what happened with that, as I swore to myself that I was going to stop doing such.

However, like a moth to the flame, I can’t resist the delicious pain from the burn I receive with such activity.

I think what happened is I went to Flickr to search for a photo to go with this letter. Something with  bondage or hog tying as a theme. Then the next thing I knew, I was working my way through page after endless page of MMRFRO’s Flickr favorites. Photos of boys, boys, and more boys. Naked boys, half-naked boys. Boys naked inside, boys naked outside. Boys naked alone, boys naked with other boys. Are you detecting a theme?

Shortly after he introduced himself to me, MMRFRO made me a double mix-CD set. On it he included a few songs from the sound track of Brokeback Mountain. When I asked him about his choice to include the songs he claimed it was not so much the movie itself that resonated with him as he didn’t think it was all that great a movie, but more what it represented.

It took all the self-control for me not to exclaim, “Like duh!” I have to wonder what all the photos of the naked and half naked boys with their penises partially exposed, fully exposed, half erect, fully erect—what do all of these mean to him? Is it not so much the penises themselves that resonate with him but perchance what they represent? And what might that be? Perhaps some day should he forgive me and speak to me again, I can ask him and gain a greater understanding into this mystery.

But I digress…so, back to the theme of tying in all of its forms.

I am thinking that I’d like to explore kink a bit these days and possibly explore bondage as part of said kink. Which is rather interesting for me as I’ve always joked that I don’t get the whole leather/kink thing as there are way too many props involved. Also, I don’t see the point of getting naked to put a whole bunch of crap back on to have sex.

However…

As I’ve mentioned to friends, but I don’t think that I’ve discussed in any letters written, I think the main reason that I’m interested in exploring bondage (as a top) is the control aspect of it. And now I must say to myself, “Like duh!”. I’m thinking exploring Dom/Sub kink might be a way for me to work through some areas and manifestations of my shadow-self much needing work as of late as they‘re slightly out of control presently.

Due to being in a position of authority with the condo these days and having to be assertive (and at times overbearing) due to needing to deal with difficult situations and difficult personalities. It’s beginning to bleed over into other areas of my life. And not always in a good way. I find this to be a particular challenge in the area of romance.

I find there are times that I’m a little too quick to become somewhat lacking in patience and understanding in romantic/dating situations. And I can quickly turn into an overbearing freek at moments. I really need to find a way to temper this energy.

As I was driving to my mother’s yesterday, I got to thinking about this more. I think as a place to start. I’d like to begin to photograph people in bondage gear. Tied up with rope or bound with restraints of differing types and materials. Starting specifically with hog tying and working into other kinds of bondage and equipment.

I’m just not sure how to approach this and where to find individuals willing to be bound and photographed. Of course, my first thought is Craigslist as the random element could be most interest. Which I’m open to such an idea. But, I’m not sure that would be the best avenue. I would imagine there is a rather sizable B&D community in the Washington Metro area both hetero and homo. So I should have little issue with finding individuals who would be willing to partake in the activity. Particularly those who are exhibitionists.

Meanwhile, in the larger context of being bound or rather the need to be unbound. M. came over for breakfast this morning and we did some work around this issue. On Friday, I ran a quick errand at lunch and visited a Tibetan Shop in nearby McLean. I picked up the sweetest metal Phurba. M. helped me do a ritual to cut energy cords after we finished with breakfast. It was done with the specific intent of cutting and freeing the remaining energetic connections between me and D. When we finished with the ceremony I half-jokingly said to M., “I can feel this baby humming in my hands.” It does however seriously give off some amazing energy.

After M. left and while the potatoes I made for Easter dinner were baking this afternoon. I headed over to a park nearby the apartment and did a quick ritual to release the energy from the Phurba back into the earth to disperse it. I hope it doesn’t kill the grass in that area…as there was no doubt some pretty wicked juju trapped in the dagger.

Okay, I need to wrap this one up and get into bed.

Sending you much love!

eg
ero.ghoti@theghotiletters.com
@theghotilover