Dearest D,

As I let my inner Nancy Drew run rampant the other day at the discovery of and journey through various web haunts where you choose to linger, I was reminded of the statement you made to me in December of last year when I expressed to you the desire to explore sexual intimacy. I believe you said, “I don’t really think of people that way.”

I’m rather curious. Exactly how do you think of people? As the public groups you’ve chosen to join as part of your account on a rather popular photo drop site prove to be truly confounding considering your self-professed asexuality.  And tho’ it’s entertaining to see what can happen when you choose to let your freekydeeky-side run riot, full-throttle and give into your apparent voyeuristic nature.

And frankly, I’ll never understand what it is with you Catholic boys and girls and the need to continue to perpetrate the whole Madonna/whore and Jesus/man-whore stereotype. Why not just be honest and confess to the fact that you’re big old sex freeks (as are the rest of us) and not worry about it? Do you really think the rest of we freeks are going to judge? I for one would not.

My inner Ed Grimley must say, while I laughed out loud (literally) at reading some of the groups to which you’ve subscribed there were more than a couple that made my skin crawl (figuratively and apparently potentially quite literally had I lingered longer in your house the evening I was there). Once again, my inner Ed Grimley must say, it truly feels on some level as tho’ I’ve been sending love notes and birthday cards to Jeffrey Dahmer’s cousin. And while it’s questionable as to whether I might have good taste, here’s hoping I might have tasted good. Oh com’on, that one was funny!

The groups “playing with my d*ck”, “We Love Sucking C*ck Men and Women”, “vacation outdoor sex” (and what would Jane Wiedlin, et al. think of that one?), “C*m on hairy/bi male bodies” and “shooting couples” quite distinctly confirms for me your statement that you, “don’t think of people that way” was merely a feeble attempt at a bold-faced lie (as I suspected). And no offense, but did you really think I fell for it? As my most recent ex used to always say, “You can’t BS a BS-er.”

While I can almost understand the proclivity you possibly share with George Michael as to smoking in the boy’s room (so to speak) in your impulse to join such groups as, “The urinal”, “Public toilets” and “Under The Stall”.  I once again call upon my inner Ed Grimley and must say..rather disturbing.

However, I hope you can easily understand why your urge to join and view photos in photo streams such as “I Hump Things” and “Home grown pregnant views” truly amps up the creep factor to an objective viewer of your profile page given the other associated subject matter in your choice of public groups. Particularly given your self-expressed lack of desire to view the animal human as sexual in any way, shape or form. And try as I might, it’s difficult for me to imagine photographic images of fellatio (being performed by either men or women) as being considered high-art. Tho’ technically I suppose it might be considered performance art if the provider of such is particularly talented.

As I sit here and peruse the list I’m struck by the group “Nudist wonderland”. Wasn’t that a disco song by Earth, Wind and Fire?  And “Nude Wedding”, didn’t Billy Idol write a song about that in the 80s as well? “It is to laugh,” as a cartoon hero of mine once said.

As always, I hope this finds you well.

TGL