Great Ghoti's Ghost

Dearest Mr. Babbage,

I believe I have mentioned to you on more than one occasion, I have the queerest hobby (if you will) of watching the various hits to ye olde biddy, biddy blog and locations from where they originate. Well in that regard, I had a few interesting hits the first week of last month which have left me feeling as though it’s ghost town ghoti all up in joint. Which couldn’t be more apropos as I couldn’t be feeling more a ghost of my former self currently. However, let me see if I might properly explain and let me start with the hits.

On February 6th I got the strangest succession of hits to the b-b-blog beginning at 11:07:13. The hits came in a rather rapid succession, at the following times and from the following locations:

Eight hits in roughly one minute. All of them hitting on this page, a letter, I wrote to MMRFRO concerning the first movie he and I went to see together after our first meeting each other—Ghost Town.

Then about two hours later the b-b-blog received seven more hits from the following locations:

A total of 15 hits within a 3 hour period. If it weren’t for the fact that no one would have the reason to do such, I’d almost think it was a coordinated effort to hit the blog in such a fashion. And as to why I’ve concluded the hits to the b-b-blog were somewhat a portent of my mood to come?

As of late, I truly have begun to feel as though I’m a ghost of my former self. It’s most likely related to any number of disparate situations and circumstances. So let me start at the top of the list, work my way down, and see if I might tie all the thoughts together into some kind of meaningful and cohesive narrative.

Roughly three weeks ago now, I had an extremely difficult moment at the day gig. I was involved in a pressure cooker project which in the end (as I knew it would), got way out of control. And unfortunately in the process, I dropped a couple of balls. One of which was very visible to an external client, the other not so visible but merely sloppy. However, being the type of individual who at times can fall into the trap of perfectionism. I *really* hate to make errors and I truly dislike sloppy ones.

The errors left me feeling somewhat deflated. The situation was not ego crushing mind you, just annoying and it’s led me once again to evaluate my professional life and the changes I obviously need to be considering (and making) to get myself back on track if I’m to continue doing the kind of work I do in regard to the trading hours for dollars scenario. While I like the core group of individuals with whom I work and interact on a daily basis, I’m truly beginning to question my ability to work within the larger organization that is the company of my current employ.

When I was recruited back to my group by my former boss who’s since retired, the company was owned by a different parent company who for the most part left us alone to do our thing, took a cut of the profit we made and everyone was pleased in the happy valley.

Regretfully, the happy valley exists no more. The current parent company is extremely inefficient. Appears to have a rather stark myopic view of our business sector and little understanding of customer requirements, wants and needs. And rather than focus on ways to find alternative streams of income within the existing market would rather chase rainbows and seeks non-existent pots of gold—no doubt guarded by rather overprotective leprechauns.

I often joke with my co-workers that I give it 5 years before our division is belly up due to mismanagement and performance-related inadequacies. Which means I have a timeline of about 2 years to get my act together and find some other source of income myself.

Unfortunately, it’s not just my professional life that blows presently. I find myself once more at place of feeling extremely frustrated in regard to the prospect of romance, dating, and possibly finding a relationship.

There is a part of me that very much wants to be in a relationship. However, after doing a great deal of soul-searching about it, I’ve come to realize that after having been burned by MMRFRO (and several other guys within the short period prior to the dysfunctional dance in which he and I engaged) I’ve been left with a very bleak inability to trust. While it’s been three years, and while one would believe it’s well past the point the scars should have healed, they haven’t.

If I’m I really, really honest with myself, I’m not even close to being able to trust anyone enough to become involved in a romantic relationship. And while I would love to blame MMRFRO and the other damaged individuals with whom I became entangled, I can’t. Why? Because going into those situations, in every case, there were very distinct signs of there being something wrong.

I chose to ignore the signs and got burned in the process. A simple case of cause and effect. But of course, where affairs of the heart are concerned logic and reason provide little more than cold comfort.

And the situation which the feels the most to me like a specter of its former self is that of my apartment. Spring is rapidly bearing down here in the nation’s capital. And while I look forward to the nicer weather and the ability to get outside, I’m not looking forward to the associated noise of the environmental systems housed above my unit. The noise has become unbearable and I’m sure it will be no better this year.

Which means the long battle with the board of directors to get it rectified will begin once again. It’s a situation with which I’ve grown extremely tired of dealing with and honestly don’t feel like having to be bothered with it right now. But I must. I’m thinking my best bet will be to hire a lawyer to handle it for me, and leave it at that rather than have to waste my own time with it.

So this weekend as much as I don’t feel like dealing with it, I begin the process of writing the letters to management company to get all of the issue with my unit corrected as I work my way toward selling the apartment and get out of this dump of a condo that I made the unfortunate decision to buy into.

Would you happen to know a good Exorcist (and/or lawyer) I might call upon?