Ever feel like a ghoti swiming up stream?

Dearest Saint Rita,

I received a couple of interesting hits to the biddy-biddy-blog the other day “ghoti sex” and “ghoti surrealist.” While it’s not completely clear to me what the Universe may be attempting to tell me. I can say this. I don’t think there might be any two phrases which more aptly describe my existence. For as you know dear Saint Rita, this ghoti does love him some sex and the 24 hours prior to getting those hits was a little more than surreal. Let me see if I might properly explain.

On Friday, I had about an hour of free time before I needed to shove off to head over the Ballston to meet a former coworker for dinner. I decided to take that hour to begin drafting the letter to D. that I posted Friday evening when I returned from dinner with MB.

I had literally just closed down my word processing program so that I might get ready before taking off. At that moment, I heard the Xoom chirp to let me know that I had an email message. When I checked my messages it was from a gentleman G. who lives in Laurel, MD. A gentleman with whom I’ve been doing a bit of a come here/go away-mixed messages dance for the past several months. As I opened his message and began to read it, I let out a little chuckle.

Why was I unable to stifle the chortle that seemed to come out of nowhere? Because the experience I’ve had with G. thus far has been startlingly familiar to the one I had with MMRFRO. The only thing that is different in this situation as opposed to the one with D. is that I’ve never met G. in person. We’ve only exchanged emails and not even talked on the phone. However, the experience has been no less frustrating/familiar.

I quickly sent a response to G. to tell him that it was truly ironic  I’d received the message from him. That I was about to step out the door to have dinner with a former co-worker, but I’d get back to him over the weekend to explain further.  Sunday night before bed, I sat down and drafted a reply to G.

In it I explained that I’d just finished drafting a journal entry of sorts about a gentleman for whom I still carried a torch—as misguided as it may be—when his message arrived a few nights prior. I  further explained that D. had been highly skilled in the art of come here/go away and sending mixed messages. I further explained that the irony of receiving a message from someone with whom I’m currently experiencing the come here/go away while writing about someone with whom I experienced the come here/go away in my past was far to exquisite to be ignored. And I was unable to do such.

I went on further to explain that I feel that I’ve done my part in regard to he and I to express my interest. I’ve suggest on couple of occasions that he and I get together, which were met with resistance. And at the risk of sounding a bit harsh, my attitude is that the ball is in his court in regard to what may or may not happen between we too.

I  have yet to hear back from him.

Okay, now here’s where things get a little more surreal. Shortly after sent the email off to G. I received a hit to the biddy-biddy blog with the keyword combination of “the great smoking mirror sacred path cards “ which returned a letter that I wrote to B. last year around this time concerning an issue I was having with a neighbor and harassing emails she was sending me.

As I mentioned in that letter, the Great Smoking Mirror is the concept that life presents opportunities for each of us to see ourselves mirrored through circumstances and individuals so we might gain a better understanding of life and ourselves.

I had to once again chuckle as it seems the Universe has once again ghoti me good. By sending me a couple of reminders both of which have to do with human behavior—mine and that of others.

The first, comes back to a saying  I heard in the rooms years ago, “You don’t have to accept unacceptable behavior.” Which has always been difficult for me due to two things. One, fundamentally being a classic people-pleaser I want to people to like me and will accept a greater amount of abusive/dysfunctional behavior than I should. And two, for me hope springs eternal. Knowing the mutable and adaptable nature of the animal human, I try to see the best in others and would like to believe I can in some way facilitate change. Of course the challenge in that regard is if they’re not willing to change, then it’s a waste of time.

Most people need to be highly motivated to change and I have to remember it’s really not my place to force anyone to change.

The second reminder, life is a reflection of what I put out to the Universe. I need to be extremely diligent in remembering that fact. If I put out anger, strife and frustration. That’s what I’m going to receive in return. And a corollary to that thought is that I need to remember to surround myself with folks who are mirroring what I wish to see. That is to say, folks who are positive in attitude and are working toward being what Eckhart Tolle calls a frequency holder.

However, as I’ve written before, it can be such a solitary and frustrating existence at times. But then again dear Saint Rita, this you know as you were one.

As always sending you much love!