Dearest B,

In many Native American tribes, there is the tradition of an avatar known as the Heyoka. The Heyoka is the manifestation of the energy of opposites (the Trickster Spirit or the Yin-Yang of Traditional Chinese Philosophy). The archetypal manifestation of this avatar is the sacred clown. According to the Lakota Tribe, the sacred clown behaves in a way typically thought of as upside-down, backward-forward and by saying yes when actually meaning no (for the sake of humor).  The Heyoka teaches through reversal by using nonsense, jokes (both practical and verbal) and benign threats. The energy held by the Heyoka contains great power. A power that can facilitate great healing/change, but as easily can backfire, both on the sacred clown as well as the individual who is the intended recipient of healing/change.

The main purpose of the Heyoka is to teach through bad example and create an imbalance in whatever social situation where the trickster spirit is present.   He does so to teach others the important lessons of which skills are required of anyone in any social network to understand for survival, such as the need for collaboration and cooperation despite personal wants and needs and differences with others. He teaches these essential survival skills as they are necessary for any group (<–read that tribe) to maintain a collective livelihood during times of challenge, catastrophe, or of great upheaval.

In other words, the Heyoka engages in what modern psychological science would call mirroring but with the express purpose of providing an opportunity for others to learn and grow as opposed to it being in reaction to social interaction.  And always when the trickster plays his pranks he does so not to embarrass or make the individual feel foolish, but rather to empower the recipient toward a path of further understanding of themselves at a deeper level.

Sacred clowns have held and continue to hold a unique but vital role in many societies, Native American and otherwise, as they are able to be the social conscious of a group by asking “Why?” to the many difficult questions others are afraid to broach. By using satire, jokes, puns and slap stick humor to create paradox they are able to disarm psychological defenses and assist others in seeing things from a different perspective.

Additionally, this breach of people’s expectations may also assist individuals in understanding the lessons presented more clearly and profoundly. Steve Mizrach states “Another way in which it occurs (the ‘paradoxical state’) is through a sudden shock to the nervous system.” in his essay “Thunderbird and Trickster”. Perhaps that’s the “punch” in the punch line? He further states, ”It’s in such ‘paradoxical states’ that people often may assimilate new information quickly, without filtering.”

In many of the Native American cultures, to become a Heyoka was considered a great honor and any initiate who agreed to become such as a result of his vision quest was both revered and feared at the same time. Due to the fact to be a Heyoka is to be intimately connected with the greatest power in the universe—the Great Spirit. Because of this, the Heyoka in his contrary nature carries eternal wisdom, healing medicine and great power. And as expressed by John (Fire) Lame Deer, “[To be a Heyoka] brings you power, but you have to pay for it.” (Erdoes 1972: 251)

I know this cost all too well myself.

From my earliest memory I was the child who always asked “Why?” And was also the precious child who always had a humorous observation of the things around me and loved to make others laugh. I was born with a strong connection with the Trickster Spirit and have little doubt had I been born into a Native American tribe I would have become a Heyokah.

There’s this funny thing (not funny ha, ha but more ironic) that I’ve done in dating situations as of late. When it becomes obvious to me the guy I’m interested in is really pretty much indifferent to my feelings or it becomes obvious to me he’s just a player. I shift into an over-the-top behavior with him. Most of which is mirroring back at him his rude and ambivalent behavior ten-fold, however, given we live in a culture that isn’t familiar with the Trickster and such associated energy/behavior. The aforementioned player usually doesn’t get the joke but rather views me as the “issue”. Or as MMRFO would say, “too much.”

With most of the guys over the past couple of years, it’s not really bothered me that much. I was able to pretty much laugh it off and go on my way. Due to the fact the guys were so erratic and indifferent.  But with this last one, it’s been extremely difficult. I grew to  love D. quite deeply during the short period of seeing him and wanted very much to get to place of deeper connection with him. I tried so very hard not to cross over into the OTT behavior with him, but became so frustrated in the end that I did.

I can’t say that I regret it happening. As I do have the faith that in the end the Trickster always knows what’s best for me. However, this lesson is particularly difficult to swallow as my heart tells me there could have been something truly amazing between the two of us had he allowed it. But…that is a story that I’ll never be able to write.

According to Native American tradition the path of the Trickster is viewed as the most difficult. But with its difficulty comes great reward. I steadfastly believe that as I’ve learned so much about myself over the past several years. I have discovered a well of strength within myself I would have never imagined existed there. I am truly blessed.

Sending you much love!